11 Ways to Really Help a New Mom
Recently, we had our fourth baby girl. I was the recipient of an incredible outpouring of kindness from my friends, family, and church. I literally didn’t cook for over a month! It was unexpected and very appreciated. After four babies, one of whom was delivered via C-section, I have experienced a massive outpouring of various types of help. I’d love to share some of my favorites with you! Meals tend to be the “go-to” method, but there are many other ways to help a new mom if cooking isn’t your thing.
I will also note that you don’t need to wait for the baby to be born to offer most of these blessings! Huge pregnant women are usually miserable! I find the end of pregnancy is often more difficult than the newborn stage (except for the time I had a C-section). Cooking, cleaning, and caring for children is tough when you are waddling around with a gigantic watermelon strapped to your abdomen!
As a culture we are terrible at receiving help. I will include myself in that wide generalization. When someone asks me what I need I come up with a blank, “Ummmmm”. I feel sheepish asking for what I honestly need. It is much different if someone comes to me with a specific offer in mind. It is easier to say “yes” to a question like, “Would you let me come and vacuum your house?” than it is to come up with a response to, “Can I help you with something?” So utilize this list of ways to help new moms and ask her if she’d like a specific type of help!
Pray with her and bring her before the One who can truly help a new mom.
Of course you tell her you’ll pray for her. That is what everone says. But actually do it! Write her name on a post-it. Stick it on your bathroom mirror and actually pray for her each time you look at the mirror.
Better yet, pray with her! Pray for her physical needs, lift up all pregnancy worries and postpartum hormones, pray for the much needed wisdom for mothering. Intercede for her baby and her family! Prayer is free and it can even be done long distance over the phone!
Really want to help a new mom? Take her older kids!
I decided to take my kids to the neighborhood park one last time before the baby. They were going stir crazy and I thought that surely the walk would do me some good! I was about 36 weeks. I started having crazy contractions the entire way back with my five year old patting me on the back, “Its ok mommy. You can do it! Just six more houses till we’re home.” That was our last walk to the park! There is often a long stretch where the older kids wind up stuck at home especially when a mom has complications or surgery. Just like the mom, they are often anxiously waiting and in need of distractions.
I’ve had a neighbor take my kids for a bike ride. A friend had my kids over for a playdate. And their Grandma took them for an overnight in a hotel with a pool!
Not only does doing something with her older kids help them (and alleviate some mom-guilt), but it also buys a little peace and quiet at home for the mom.
Bring meals and food to a new mom.
Bringing meals is the “standard help for new moms” for good reason. Cooking for someone is a fantastic way to share love. I feel very loved when someone cooks for me and if I cook for you its because I truly truly love you (I am not great at this one!) Use a meal train schedule or make plans ahead of time. If there are food allergies take a tip from me and stick to foods that naturally don’t have those allergens in them! Substitutions can be tricky to use. Bring food in containers that you don’t need returned to you unless you see the mom regularly.
TwoSpoons.ca has some incredible looking vegan recipes (vegan also means they are all dairy free which can be incredibly helpful for nursing moms!) including some lactation brownies that have my mouth watering.
There was a single young man at our church who was passionately pro-life. He had felt convicted that if he really cared about babies and life then he should also show love and care for the babies and parents in our church. He brought us a meal of sandwiches and chips. It was simple and oh so sweet! You don’t really need to be a gourmet cook to show love with food.
Freezer meals are a great help for new moms!
In addition to the standard hot-and-ready meal you might also consider freezer meals! If new momma has space in her freezer that can be a great way to provide a meal for when she needs it – even if that is some random Tuesday three months from now! For crockpot style freezer meals use a gallon bag, clearly label it with instructions and any additional notes, and freeze it flat! Flat bags are easy to store, and they thaw quickly.
One year a family member gave me a cooler full of freezer meals for a Christmas gift. When asked what I wanted I had sarcastically replied, “Time”. So she gave me the gift of time with about 8 homemade meals! It was amazing.
Rachel and Polly at Thriving Home have a nice roundup of 70 freezer meals if you need some ideas!
Off the beaten path foods can be a big help.
When my first baby was born I had a friend who brought me a whole bunch of fruit and fresh veggies to snack on. She commented that people often bring really comforting meals, but then you still have to run to the store for produce.
I have also received less conventional “meals” such as breakfast or snacks! Yogurt, granola, berries, and a jug of orange juice makes a fantastic “meal”. Or consider making a batch of nursing cookies or granola bars. Helping her access nutritious foods is a wonderful way to help a new mom.
Sarah at My Home. Your Home. Our Home. has some delicious looking homemade lactation granola! Jenny at Eva to Ava has some yummy looking freezable egg muffins. Or check out these mini frittatas (also freezable) from Allison at Gluten Free From Home!
Get personal with cleaning!
Housework can feel extremely personal. So you’ll have to be a little assertive (not too pushy – just assertive) and consider the type of relationship you have with the new mom. My mother gifted me several cleaning sessions during the end of all my pregnancies! She gave me several hours each time and would help me with all sorts of cleaning. It was a massive blessing. I was in that “nesting” phase but didn’t have the energy to “nest” as much as I wanted to!
If a mom is a little embarrassed about the thought of a friend digging in to her dirt and mess she might feel more comfortable with a paid stranger! My husband has purchased cleaning services for me through Groupon. What a fabulous postpartum gift. I’d never had a cleaning lady before. It was nice! I went to Target and came home to a clean house that smelled like a lemon!
You can ask a new mom to make a list of 5 things she has difficulty with or is behind on. Tell her you plan on tackling that list when you visit! If she can’t come up with five things here are some ideas of tasks you can offer: Tackle the dishes, sweep and mop the kitchen floor, vacuum, change a set of sheets, put clothing bins into storage or generally “carry heavy things”, wash windows, or wash and fold a load of laundry.
I specifically remember sitting after my C-section staring at my filthy windows. The screens needed to be vacuumed after an explosion of cottonwood seeds in our neighborhood and the glass needed a good Windex. I was in a ton of pain and basically “immobile” and it was frustrating to sit and stare at that dirt unable to do anything about it! My husband was swamped with taking on all my normal duties in addition to his own and I couldn’t add “clean windows” to his task list. A friend came over and did the windows. That was 5 years ago and I still remember it vividly!
Help her to rest.
Whether it is sleep she needs or simply to put her feet up for a bit, rest can be hard to find when you are new mom, especially when you have other children to care for as well! Finding out what is making it hard for her to rest and then addressing that need is a great way to help a new mom! It might be caring for the new baby for a bit, or attending to the needs of the older children, or strongly encouraging her to sit down with some tea and just visit for a bit. You might even offer to babysit while she goes and lays down for an hour!
Another take on this one is to help her rest spiritually and emotionally! Anxiety and stress are big issues for new moms. Help her to take all those worries and give them to the Lord. Remind her of verses that address her concerns. Point her to the One who gathers lambs in His arms and gently leads those who are with young (Isaiah 40:11). Encourage her! Both physical and spiritual rest are vital for a new mom.
Jamie at Ginger Homemaking has two great articles on the topic of resting as a mother. One is on reducing stress (don’t we all need that!) and the other is a very encouraging article titled “What To Do When You’re a Tired Mom“. I am pretty sure that there is no such thing as a not tired mom so, yup, check that out!
Help her prepare to be a mom ahead of time.
Especially if you have some experience with mothering, you know what is likely on the road ahead for this new mom and what she can do to get ready! Have a freezer meal party and help her prep some meals ahead of time. Give her Babywise, or offer to read it with her and discuss it, or give her a month subscription to Audible so she can listen to it! Help her get all the gear set up. Show her how to get spit up stains out of the hand-me-down clothes she received (soak them in oxiclean overnight!) Help her think through her hospital bag and answer some of her questions.
Give her something to feel pretty and less, well, postpartum.
Women often feel less than beautiful after having the baby. Still a little chubby, flabby in the stomach, milk squirting everywhere, hormones making you sweat, the pregnancy clothes are either too big (or they fit fine), and you still can’t squeeze into your pre-prego jeans! And babies have an uncanny ability to sense the exact moment you step into the shower where they will commence loosing their minds with hunger.
So help a new mom to feel pretty! Paint her toes or go get them done together! Buy her some pretty nursing outfit that she wouldn’t buy for herself. Or offer to go shopping with her – you’ll help with the kids and baby while she tries things on. It is really hard to clothes shop with small children and babies! Offer to come along and hold the baby while she gets her hair cut. Compliment her! Say kind things.
Help a new mom by being an older woman.
If you are an “older woman” or an experienced mom give yourself permission to Titus 2 a little! Of course you’ll offer wisdom gently and tactfully. Right now, younger women have a tendency to think we know everything or can learn everything through Pinterest and mom blogs. While mom blogs are great and all, they are no substitute for the kind of personalized life-on-life wisdom that can come from an older woman.
If the baby is fussy offer to show her the “monkey in the tree hold” or demonstrate a different way of burping. Teach her how to swaddle! Let her know that it is ok to let the baby cry for a bit while she finishes something. Gently remind her not to neglect her husband. Exhort her to keep (or start) reading her Bible. Encourage her by helping her focus on the “bigger picture” of mothering. You know, all the older-women-wisdom-stuff! Don’t withhold it just because she doesn’t outright ask! Offer it freely, gently, without strings, and cushion the more pointed bits with loads of encouragement and kindness.
Provide a date night.
It might be a gift of babysitting or a giftcard to a restaurant. But it might be bringing take-out and then taking the older kids home with you for pizza so the new parents can have a “date” at home (where she can nurse in comfort and not interrupt the baby’s touchy routine). Or it could be a night away from home where they come over to your place for dinner without needing to bring anything but themselves! Be creative.
Run an errand with her or for her.
Maybe she needs to get out of the house. Maybe she had a C-section and can walk but she can’t lift the bags of groceries out of the cart. There are plenty of situations where tagging along on an errand can be a real help to a new mom.
Consider calling her and saying, “I am going to swing by Aldi on my way over to your place. Can I pick up groceries for you? Send me your list!” You could offer to pay for them if you want, but just getting the things can be a huge help too.
Conclusion
I hope this article got your wheels turning with ways that you might love and care for a new mom, or a post-op mom, or a pregnant mom! If you want more specific ideas on Simple Ways to Care for a Pregnant Friend check out Tani’s article on Unraveled Motherhood. Give this article a share or add it to your Pinterest page! Thanks for visiting!
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All are wonderful ideas, new moms need all sorts of help! Congratulations on the arrival of your baby girl, what a wonderful blessing. 💕
Thank you Suani!