Fight Anxiety in Motherhood and Stop Being a Worried Mom

Raise your hand if you’ve ever worried about your kids! 

Yup.  We have all been there.  Probably even today! I worried 10 minutes ago when I heard a big thump coming from upstairs followed by crying. (Everything was fine.) 

I am currently reading through Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges, which I highly recommend along with his book Trusting God, and this week I read the chapter on Anxiety and Frustration.  I have always struggled with anxiety and worry, and I wanted to write something to encourage other mothers who struggle with the same things. 

I recall worrying a fair amount when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter.  The year before we had experienced a miscarriage and the experience left me anxious that something would go wrong again.  I alternated between turning to the internet and turning the Lord for comfort.  I would search the internet for statistics on miscarriage rates week by week and for signs that things were normal or they weren’t.  I would read stories from other mothers about their pregnancies, but the answers I found online only seemed to leave me with more issues to worry about!  

Then, I would read verses like Isaiah 40:11 

He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
    he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
    and gently lead those that are with young.

And my anxieties would be soothed.  There were no statistics to be found in scripture but there were answers that satisfied my soul and calmed my anxiety.

I decided that I didn’t want to be anxious.  After all, Philippians 4:6 commands “Do not be anxious about anything”.  I decorated the nursery with birds to remind me of Matthew 6:26 “Look at the birds of the air.  They neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are not you of more value than they?”  

During that season, I shared my desire to fight anxiety with other moms and I was usually met with the response, “Every mom worries.  It’s normal”.  It is normal.  It is part of motherhood.  But it is normal because none of us trust the Lord as we ought to – no not one!  It may be normal, but that does not make it good or right.  In fact, it is sin!  Jerry Bridges says, “Suppose someone you love were to say to you, ‘I don’t trust you.  I don’t believe you love me and will care for me.’  What an affront that would be to you!  Yet that is what we are saying to God by our anxiety.”  (Respectable Sins, page 58)

Now, I will qualify for a moment that maternal reflexes are not sin.  That moment of adrenaline when you see your baby on the brink of tumbling down the stairs and you dive toward her to catch her – that is not sin.  That is a reflex, and it is a gift from God to help you protect and care for your child!  Putting up a barrier to prevent that from happening is also not sin.  But, obsessing over having the perfect baby gate because in your heart you are so anxious about the potential of her getting hurt is sin.  This is not a matter of what decisions you and your husband make in parenting – it is all about your heart attitudes that drive those decisions.  Are you making those decisions out of wisdom or out of fear?  

Motherhood is fraught with temptations toward worry and anxiety.  Not only do we have our finite perspective on life, our sinful tendencies, and our pride.  We also have hormones.  We have lies from our enemy and from the world.  In our day, we are also bombarded with terrifying information all over social media, news, and in advertising.  Every time something tragic or frightening happens it explodes all over the internet and strikes fear into our hearts even if there is a 1 in 100,000,000 chance it would ever happen to our child.  Advertisers create and exaggerate all kinds of problems and dangers in order to convince us of a “need” for whatever product they want us to buy.  And our society’s denial of God leads to the constant message that we are the ones in control.  Safety quickly becomes an idol when God is removed from the scene. 

We have a great responsibility literally placed right in our laps and we feel like it is all up to us to make this little fragile person become a thriving and healthy adult!  We feel that way, but that is not the truth.  It is up to God to direct and sustain this life as He sees fit.  He is the sovereign one.  We are given stewardship and responsibility, but we often mistake that for sovereignty.  We can truly trust that not a hair on our little baby’s fuzzy head will be harmed apart from the ordaining of our good and loving Lord!  (Isaiah 46:4).  

Tragedies do happen, but even the deepest pain is not outside of a great and loving purpose!  This article is not meant to minimize the pain felt by mothers who have lost children or who have experienced other types of tragedies.  I am not saying it is always easy to trust the Lord – but He can be trusted.  He is loving.  He is good.  He is wise.  He is omnipotent.  We must fight to believe the truths of God’s word even when our circumstances feel otherwise.  

So, practically, how can we resist the temptation to be anxious?  Here are three battle strategies that I find effective when I am struggling. 

1.  Obey the commands of scripture.  1 Peter 5:7 says to “Cast your cares on him because he cares for you.”  Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  At the end of the section on anxiety in Jesus’ sermon on the mount (Matthew 6:25-34) Jesus says, “Do not be anxious . . . but seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”  These key verses on anxiety all include commands and promises!  We ought to obey them.  For me this means repeatedly telling God what I am worried about, asking him for help, thanking Him for who he is, and asking him to be glorified in my circumstances.  There are days when I must stop and “cast my cares” by the hour or even by the minute!  Every time you feel worry welling up, take a minute to bring those concerns to the Lord.  

2.  Arm yourself with the Word of God.  Write down verses about anxiety and verses that specifically address the things you tend to worry about! Better yet, memorize those verses.  Use them to combat the lies that are being thrown your way.  When anxiety rears its ugly head, fight it by preaching the truth of God’s word to yourself!  

3.  Seek help.  James 1:2-5 says “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”  When you are faced with a trial (e.g., something to worry about), ask your heavenly Father for wisdom and help.  He is generous.  John 14:13-14 says “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.”  Asking something in Jesus’ name means we are asking for something according to His character and will.  Well, Jesus told us clearly in Matthew 6 that we are not supposed to worry.  Do you doubt that he will answer when you ask him to help you to obey his command to not be anxious?  So, next time you are tempted to be anxious seek help from Jesus.  Ask him to help your unbelief.  Take a deep breath and trust that he who has promised is faithful!

In addition to these there are two other things I recommend doing (or not doing).  One is to trust your husband.  In my circle, most of the husbands have a better handle on this than the wives.  Rather than think that your husband is out of touch with childrearing – recognize that he also loves your children, and he may make decisions that are more balanced than the decisions you would make, because you know, hormones.  A mother might be tempted to have her child go through life with a bike helmet on and suited up in one of those sumo balloons.  A father is more likely to set aside fears and accept that bumps and bruises will benefit the child.  

The second thing is to use moderation and discernment with the internet.  Consider the reality that sensational and dramatic stories get more clicks and sell more safety products.  People tend to post the dramatic stuff rather than the hum drum boring life stories.  Just because some awful thing happened once to one child out there does not mean that you need to revolutionize your lifestyle to prevent that rare event! Don’t believe everything you read and use logic and common sense to evaluate the things the world is telling you to fear.  Use common sense, and evaluate the tactics that advertisers use to get you to buy something or click on something.  OR better yet, avoid reading the messages from the world!  When you are tempted toward anxiety, resist the temptation to pick up your phone and instead pick up your Bible.  

If this is an area of motherhood in which you struggle, I want to encourage you to dig in and fight.   Don’t settle for the sin of anxiety simply because it is normal or because you can’t imagine any alternative.  There is so much freedom and joy found when you truly cast your cares on the Lord.  Two more resources that are worth your time and money are the books I mentioned earlier.  Trusting God by Jerry Bridges is a book I have read several times and given to many friends.  His gentle words will help you to see God as the one who is loving, good, powerful, and wise and more than deserving of our trust.  In the book Respectable Sins, Bridges describes our “normal” sins in a way that is sharply convicting but he tempers it with the reassuring hope of the gospel and strategies to fight those sins.  

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