How to Teach Your Child to do Any Chore

Chores!  They make our kids happier and more confident.  Trust me they do! Children doing chores also leads to increased maternal happiness.  According to this study in the National Library of Medicine how often children do chores in kindergarten positively impacts their social and academic competencies, perception of life satisfaction, peer relationships, self-competence, and even math scores!  A longitudinal study by Sheldon and Eleanor Glueck started in the 1930s found that “industriousness in childhood . . . predicted adult mental health better than any other factor, including family cohesion and warm maternal relationships.”  Well, I don’t need more than that to convince me!  “Get to work, Kids!”  (If you need more convincing this site contains links to several more studies related to childhood chores.) I haven’t seen a study on the maternal happiness part yet – but my own experience tells me it is true! 

The Struggle

This isn’t always that easy, though.  You can find dozens of lists of “12 chores preschoolers can do” all over Pinterest, but they will not help you at all if you don’t know how to teach your children to do the chores. That is my aim with this post. 

You can bark at your kids all day to put the clean laundry away, tidy their room, or feed the dog, but it won’t do a bit of good if they don’t know how to do those chores!  Below are some basic pointers that will help you teach any functional skill effectively. 

A Seven Step Process

1.  Focus on one chore at a time.  Choose wisely!  Start with picking a task that i) will truly be helpful to you, ii) will be ok if it is not done perfectly, and iii) can be finished in short period of time.  Obviously, it needs to be safe for your child.  Some examples might be wiping the bathroom counter, cleaning out the dog’s food and water bowls, vacuuming the entry rug, or folding and putting away laundry.

2.  Define the chore.  And ask yourself: Will it be easy for the child to know when they are finished?  Can it be done in a child-size chunk of time?  For example, vacuuming may be something a young child can do, but if you ask a child to “vacuum the house” it will be hard for them to know when they are finished.  “Vacuum the entry way rug” is much more defined and child-sized.  Cleaning the bathroom is another example.  A bathroom involves multiple different parts. “Clean the counter in the bathroom” is a more defined place to begin with little ones. 

3.  Break down the chore into small steps.  This is called task analysis.  Think through all the miniscule steps that need to be completed in order to finish the task.  Here is an example of cleaning the bathroom counter.  1) They need to clear off the counter.  2)  They need to know what to do with the things they clear off the counter (i.e., put them away or place them in a little pile somewhere while they work). 3) They need to get a cleaning spray and a towel (or wipes work well but go with whatever cleaning product you currently use).  4) They need to wipe the counter, sink, and faucet until everything looks shiny.  5) They need to throw away the wipe or paper towel and put away the cleaning supplies.  6) They need to wash their hands if they were using any chemicals.  SIX STEPS!  Who knew cleaning a counter was so complex! 

4.  Decide if any of the steps from your task analysis are too hard for your child.  For example, our cleaning supplies are all kept up high in a cabinet.  So, before cleaning the counter I need to get the Clorox wipes down for my child.  When they are finished, I put them away.  Consider ways to adapt the chore for your child.  For example, kids are short so they can’t reach to make the bed the same way an adult can.  Instead of standing next to the bed they must climb up and stand on their pillow to pull the blankets up.  A vacuum cleaner might be too tall and heavy for a small child, but perhaps you can alter the vacuum by using different attachments or let them use a “dust buster” instead.

5.  Do the chore several times following this pattern:  I do, we do, you do.  Have your child watch you while you explain step by step what you are doing, the next time do the chore together talking through each step, the third time have your child show you, and the fourth time let them do it by themselves and just check in with them. 

6.  If there are transferrable skills/concepts emphasize those!  For example, “clean from the cleanest to the dirtiest” is a concept that is true when cleaning the bathroom, when washing dishes, and when detailing a car.  It is worthwhile to help my children understand that concept so that they learn how to analyze their own tasks in the future. 

7.  Praise your child for their help!  Emphasize that you appreciate their work and that working together is part of what makes a family.  Gently correct areas that need correction but focus heavily on the parts they did well and the progress they are making.  Remember, your child will be more focused on the process than the product and that is ok.  They may have fun using a vacuum cleaner and never actually look to see whether the carpet is clean or not!  If they are learning an effective process, then appreciation for and expectation of the end result will come with time and maturity. 

Teaching these tasks takes time but it will pay off!  My 6- and 5-year-olds effectively clean out the back of the van, clean their bathroom (we taught each part of the bathroom one at a time), clean out the dog’s food bowls and the pet turtle’s tank (Yes, we regrettably have a turtle), make their beds, vacuum the stairs, put away laundry, and load and run the dishwasher!  They also dress themselves, brush their teeth, feed the pets, clear their dishes, brush their hair, and tidy their toys!  They feel great about being independent and helpful and I am gradually being freed up to do more important things with them. 

Common sense disclaimer:  Too many chores or too difficult of chores may not have the same positive impact on your children.  This was confirmed in some of the studies I linked in the first paragraph.  For example, requiring 8 hours’ worth of chores for a 4-year-old or asking your 6-year-old to take over the meals for the family is just plain inappropriate and will leave them feeling overwhelmed and discouraged!  The right balance in quantity and quality of chores should generally leave your child with a sense of accomplishment, happiness in their independence, and security knowing they are an integral part of your family.