Top 10 Reasons Everyone in your Family Needs Alone Time to Thrive

The other day I was watching my oldest daughter playing in the front yard.  She was swinging and singing and very happy not knowing I was watching through the kitchen window as I washed the dishes.  My eldest is a social butterfly with lots of friends.  She loves being around people – needs to be around people. But I have also snuck peeks at some of her happiest moments – when she is blissfully enjoying alone time as she was on the swings the other day. 

I am an introvert.  I am energized when I’ve had a few hours where I didn’t need to talk to anyone and I didn’t feel like anyone was watching what I was doing.  When my first daughter was about a year old I decided that she and I both needed a little alone time each day.  As I write this we are in the middle of 2020 and my husband is working from home and I have two little girls and a baby so, full disclosure, it doesn’t happen with quite as much regularity as I would like!  But I still make alone time a goal and I still feel it is very important. 

This article is not on the nuts and bolts of how to accomplish this.  That is in another article.  This is all about the why.  As an introvert who loves alone time the benefits are a no-brainer for me but for my extroverted friends it may not be as intuitive.  Here are my top 10 benefits for everyone from the tiny baby up through the ranks to daddy.

Quiet space away from the noise. 

It can be incredibly difficult to focus amidst noise.  Alone time gives the option for quiet where we can focus on an idea or a problem or anything!  Some people are uncomfortable being “alone with their thoughts” but I think the more time we are alone, the more we can sort through and get to a place where it feels good.

Freedom to pray. 

I pray differently when someone (other than God) is listening to me.  When I am alone, I pour out my heart, confess sins more candidly, and talk to God more honestly than I do in the presence of others.  I also like to pray out loud and feel weird doing that when others are listening.  I don’t try to listen in on my children’s prayers, but occasionally I have overheard them and have observed the same thing.  They use a certain type of script with they pray at the dinner table but when they are alone they just talk with the Lord about this and that. This article addresses finding time to pray as well as read the Bible.

Time to explore ideas without criticism. 

No one is supervising.  No one is approving or disapproving.  There is no one to giggle when you do something dumb.  It is a free space to chart new creative territory, create something, learn something, try something, or explore something.

Alone Time encourages confidence in decision-making.

For a child, this means confidence to decide what to play with and how to play.  For an adult, it may be confidence about how you spend your time.   There is no one to seek approval from or ask, “Is this ok?” so you just have to move ahead with your decision.

Time Alone encourages problem-solving. 

If I am standing near my four year old she will ask me to help her buckle her shoes.  If she is alone, she will spend 15 minutes figuring it out for herself.  In the absence of help, we work more at problem-solving which is an invaluable life skill.

It provides a short break from collisions with others. 

I don’t think it would be good for us to all become hermits to avoid sin.  But, sometimes it is nice to just take a 30-minute rest from the challenge of trying to live harmoniously in a houseful of sinful people.  For my kids, this means they have a few minutes where they can just play without needing to share or compromise or put effort into getting along.  For me, this means I have a few minutes where I don’t have to work at being patient.   It is like taking a water break in the middle of a race.

A break from competition. 

If you are the only one you can’t be first or last!  No races, no one wins, no one loses!  I am not opposed to competition.  I believe that there is a time and a place for it but that time and place is not always.

Alone time is an exercise in not being needy. 

I should clarify this as not being needy with other people.  We are always needy before the Lord and that is good since he is the only one who can meet all our neediness!  As a mother, I can not meet all the needs all the time.  Time alone helps my children to learn that they don’t need to be needy!  They can function for 45 minutes without needing anything from anyone else!  Those same lessons are still being learned by me in adulthood!  I can go 45 minutes without needing to verbally process, without needing approval or affirmation, and without needing help.  It isn’t wrong to help others or be helped by others. It is quite a godly thing, and it is a function of being a part of the body of Christ. But if you are a mom you know that “neediness” can easily get out of hand.

Alone time provides freedom from being rushed. 

Usually, we don’t rush ourselves.  We are rushed by others.  When you are alone you can just stop!  You can take time to solve the puzzle, to read the whole article, to finish something.  You can take 20 minutes to learn to get that zipper zipped all by yourself without the pressure of mom yelling, “get in the car!” I have also found that some of the best artwork my girls complete is when they are alone and have time to really think about what they are doing.

Freedom to meditate on the Lord. 

The biggie! When we are alone enough I think we come to realize more that we are never truly alone.  God is always present!  Time alone provides time to meditate on Him, to mull over that verse we read in the morning, to observe the wonder of creation all around us, or simply “Be still and know that [He] is God” (Psalm 46:10)  Often when I am alone I notice that certain scriptures or hymns will just come to mind and I can think about them.  This needs to be somewhat intentional.  I could spend my alone time thinking about all sorts of counterproductive and unhealthy things.  But I can be intentional about turning my thoughts toward Jesus and I can be refreshed by who He is. Here is an article that goes into detail about how reading the Bible impacts your home.

Hopefully, I have convinced you that time alone is critical even if you are one of those extrovert-I-thrive-on-people-constantly-making-noise types! But how do you actually make it happen? It may seem like an impossible task aside from spending big bucks on a regular babysitter. Stay tuned for part 2 of this post where I’ll share my top 10 tips to make it a reality!